top of page
TYPE
A story of Loss
1st Feb 2020
"My mind's playing tricks on me", the woman standing on the bank thought as she closed her eyes. She smiled and opened them again...it was the same as before. Everything around her was reflected upside down in water.
2nd Feb 2020
She closed her eyes again, longer this time. Opened them and the world was still reflected upside down in water. A creeping feeling of disquiet was starting to nestle as she quickly began closing and opening her eyes; each time revealing no change. Panic started to rise.
3rd Feb 2020
”How can I be the right way up if the world is upside down?” thought the woman. “Mind, you are not in control, I am and what you’re showing me isn’t real. I will count to three and you will stop playing your tricks. 1...2...” and suddenly the world started to fall.
4th Feb 2020
The light was being eaten by shadows cast out by the imminent catastrophe. As the world continued bearing down on her, the woman felt anger, but it wasn't her own. It was stifling and she wanted to run, but she was pinned and there was nowhere to run to.
5th Feb 2020
Darkness was invading every speck of light, absorbing and transforming it in its own image...or lack of. The woman bore the crushing weight until being forced not to and all the time there was this anger. Where was it coming from and who or what was angry with her? Darker; heavier, until the decent was complete.
6th Feb 2020
How long the woman remained in the absolute blackness, she was unsure, but the heaviness that brought her to her knees had passed right through her; microscopically dredging every ounce of reserve. From somewhere, sluggishly a light began transmitting, allowing the woman to catch a glimpse of a figure staring at her. She had the feeling it was herself.
7th Feb 2020
This is you”, the woman heard a voice say. “This is you reflected in the world. This is how you see the world, because this is how it is...now.“
The woman felt disoriented. I feel sick she thought.
”And who’s fault is that?”
“I didn’t do this.” she countered.
”Then who did?”
“I don’t even know what this is.” Now she was angry.
The light, incrementally carried on revealing that this was no dream. The world HAD changed. Everything is familiar, but simultaneously different.
The woman felt disoriented. I feel sick she thought.
”And who’s fault is that?”
“I didn’t do this.” she countered.
”Then who did?”
“I don’t even know what this is.” Now she was angry.
The light, incrementally carried on revealing that this was no dream. The world HAD changed. Everything is familiar, but simultaneously different.
8th Feb 2020
"Who are you? The woman didn't know where to direct her question so she instinctively looked up, which made her head spin. She waited for a response and for the dizziness to abate. When neither occurred, she attempted to stand, but found it impossible.
"This must be what madness is." She muttered to herself. "I'm mad...or dead."
"You are neither." The voice answered. "It would be better for you if you were."
"This must be what madness is." She muttered to herself. "I'm mad...or dead."
"You are neither." The voice answered. "It would be better for you if you were."
9th Feb 2020
”What,mad or dead?” the woman was irritated now.
”Either”, the voice said.
The woman forced herself to her feet and then summoned every ounce of strength to stop herself from falling over. It was like trying to stand up in a canoe in choppy waters. She could feel the bile rising in her stomach. She put one foot in front for the other, lifted the other foot then lost her balance, fell over and threw up. She lay on the ground and closed her eyes.
What am I going to do?, she thought.
”Either”, the voice said.
The woman forced herself to her feet and then summoned every ounce of strength to stop herself from falling over. It was like trying to stand up in a canoe in choppy waters. She could feel the bile rising in her stomach. She put one foot in front for the other, lifted the other foot then lost her balance, fell over and threw up. She lay on the ground and closed her eyes.
What am I going to do?, she thought.
10th Feb 2020
As the woman lay on the ground, the light began to change, signalling a vicissitude of the air. She wiped the last strands of vomit from her chin and sat sat up and and thought, I need to move.
She attempted to get to her feet and found it slightly easier this time. She took courage in that and stood up. She still felt dizzy, but she began to walk, testing the ground one step at a time. This must be how an astronaut feels in space. To see the world from upside down and try and make sense of it.
"Hello!" She called out, "where have you gone?"
How long is this going to last, she thought? Then she noticed something which hadn't occurred to her before. The silence. An eerie silence totally devoid of any sound.
She attempted to get to her feet and found it slightly easier this time. She took courage in that and stood up. She still felt dizzy, but she began to walk, testing the ground one step at a time. This must be how an astronaut feels in space. To see the world from upside down and try and make sense of it.
"Hello!" She called out, "where have you gone?"
How long is this going to last, she thought? Then she noticed something which hadn't occurred to her before. The silence. An eerie silence totally devoid of any sound.
11th Feb 2020
It was unnatural; it was unnerving. The woman strained to hear a sound, any sound, but the only sound that she was rewarded with was the gentle thumping of her heart and then a panic driven hammering. She continued to walk as if intoxicated, stumbling and lurching. I need to find someone else, she thought. I can't be the only one in this...what is THIS?
12th Feb 2020
Slowly as the woman was walking, her heart beat remedied itself and the only thing she could hear was the sound of silence. This deep space silence. What if I'm the only one alive? she thought. But why would that be? I'm not special. In the distance she could see a structure. Getting closer she saw what looked like a bridge.
13th Feb 2020
It took great powers of concentration to keep upright and moving and the woman found that she kept forgetting about the state of the world. Then something would catch her eye, reeling her back into the present. As the woman approached what was indeed a bridge, she had the feeling that she'd crossed that bridge before, but it such a generic bridge, there was nothing particularly remarkable about it, but the feeling persisted. She put one foot onto the bridge and held on to the rail, slowly traversing its length. Once over, she was amazed at what she saw.
14th Feb 2020
Colours! Beautiful colours which took her breath away. She stared transfixed and experienced a floating sensation. She felt her body rise up through the air as if made of it. She saw the surface move further and further away until she was hundreds of feet up and then she felt something brush her eyes, which made them close, sending her instantly into a cocoon of bliss.
15th Feb 2020
Every anxious though left the woman's head, releasing her mind to the freedom of emptiness. Her body felt relaxed in this aura of tranquility making her lighter and lighter until there was no awareness of anything.
16th Feb 2020
Up, up the woman floated still. To the clouds and then through them and then above and still she kept floating. And then she had left the Earth’s circumference and was out in dark space, stars exploding around her. Further out she went, completely oblivious to it all. How long she remained there is unknown, for what is time in space? Suddenly there was a violent tugging at the woman, shocking her into awareness. Her mind galloped to comprehend her surroundings. Pin pricks of light in a sea of dark velvet. Another almighty tug and she was hurtling down through space to the Earth below her.
17th Feb 2020
Mind bendingly fast, the woman plummeted towards the Earth. She could see it below like a speck, but recognised it as home. One can always recognise one's home, for certain imprints are always decipherable even if covered in layers of dust.
Piercing the Karman line, she continued her descent dodging satellites in the Thermosphere and colliding with electrons, atoms and molecules in the Ionosphere.
And then through the ozone layer in the Stratosphere where there was once a hole, and into the Troposphere where she was greeted simultaneously by all the weather in this region.
Down, down, down until like a meteor she crashed onto the earth's surface.
Piercing the Karman line, she continued her descent dodging satellites in the Thermosphere and colliding with electrons, atoms and molecules in the Ionosphere.
And then through the ozone layer in the Stratosphere where there was once a hole, and into the Troposphere where she was greeted simultaneously by all the weather in this region.
Down, down, down until like a meteor she crashed onto the earth's surface.
18th Feb 2020
The woman lay on the ground dazed. There was a cacophony of sounds all vying for attention, scrambling to be understood, but the crossed wires in the woman's brain was unable to untangle them.
19th Feb 2020
What is that? thought the woman. Is that a machine beeping? Are those voices from the radio or is someone there? Sirens...Beethoven... barking...rain...bells. As the thoughts weaved into her mind any certainly of what they were slipped out and she was left floundering. I just want to understand, she whispered, and immediately all the sound was sucked out of the air and the eerie, unnatural silence returned. She listened and then in absolute anguish, she emitted a scream so deafening that it filled the air and reverberated around her causing her to shake uncontrollably.
20th Feb 2020
Black steel rose like agitated birds at the woman's piercing cry and swarmed around her, pinning her to the ground.
"NO!" she screamed, thrashing and flailing around. "NO! NO! NO! I do not accept this." She fought and screamed for all she was worth; the Black steel crushing and tearing at her flesh. Desperate, guttural cries poured out from deep within her and seemed to weaponize against the black steel. Further into the battle she immersed herself determined to eviscerate this iniquity.
"NO!" she screamed, thrashing and flailing around. "NO! NO! NO! I do not accept this." She fought and screamed for all she was worth; the Black steel crushing and tearing at her flesh. Desperate, guttural cries poured out from deep within her and seemed to weaponize against the black steel. Further into the battle she immersed herself determined to eviscerate this iniquity.
21st Feb 2020
The battle waged on, but The woman had decided that she would not be vanquished and finally emerged a victor, but badly wounded and the scars would be with her always. But she had fought and won. "For now", she thought, because who knows what other crucible she would have to face.
She stared out blankly and saw letters slowly emerging in front of her eyes. E. P. Y. T. What did it mean? "Oh", she remembered, everything is upside down and therefore back to front. She saw that it said TYPE. Her optimism rose, but after a little while she realised that figuring that out brought her no further clarity.
She stared out blankly and saw letters slowly emerging in front of her eyes. E. P. Y. T. What did it mean? "Oh", she remembered, everything is upside down and therefore back to front. She saw that it said TYPE. Her optimism rose, but after a little while she realised that figuring that out brought her no further clarity.
22nd Feb 2020
TYPE! What could it mean? The Woman racked her brains. The type of world I'm in? The type of person I am? My blood type? You're not my type? Does it even say TYPE or is it an acronym? She felt she was being watched, judged...but by whom, there was no one else here?
23rd Feb 2020
The Woman continued to walk, while thinking of the mysterious letters. She still found keeping upright and putting one foot in front of the other a struggle and she still experienced overwhelming nausea, but now she felt she was given a sign and if only she could decipher it, she might be closer to understanding where she was and what was happening to her.
24th Feb 2020
"T.Y.P.E, T.Y.P.E, T.Y.P.E"! The Woman intoned. It became a mantra as she continued walking. She wasn't even aware that she was no longer wobbling and feeling sick with each step for she was only concerned with what those letters meant.
25th Feb 2020
Then the voice that she had heard before seemed to emanate from the clouds, stopping The Woman in her tracks.
“What did you see when you were out of the world?”
The woman looked at her hand as it was gently taken and felt herself being led.
“I don‘t know,” she answered.
“Think!”
””My mind was blank.” She insisted.
””You were out of this world, but for the first time you were inhabiting yourself.”
All at once, her mind was flooded with vivid thoughts and she experienced an understanding, but it was more a feeling than sense. But slowly, slowly these feelings began to crystallise into meaning.
“What did you see when you were out of the world?”
The woman looked at her hand as it was gently taken and felt herself being led.
“I don‘t know,” she answered.
“Think!”
””My mind was blank.” She insisted.
””You were out of this world, but for the first time you were inhabiting yourself.”
All at once, her mind was flooded with vivid thoughts and she experienced an understanding, but it was more a feeling than sense. But slowly, slowly these feelings began to crystallise into meaning.
bottom of page